Batman Returns

In the first Tim Burton Batman movie, Jack Nicholson stole almost every scene he was in as The Joker, but the film was still very much about Batman.

Three years later, and Batman returned, but on the strength of this sequel, perhaps it would have been better if he had remained hidden away in his bat cave.

Nowhere near as much fun as his original, Tim Burton's follow up focuses less on the bat and more on the villains: the Penguin (Danny De Vito), who emerges from the sewers, ostensibly to discover who is parents were, but in reality, to wreak terror on the people of Gotham City, with a little help from unscrupulous industrialist Max Schreck (Christopher Walken). And Catwoman, psycho secretary Selina Kyle, who loses her marbles and turns nasty after being pushed out of a window by Schreck.

Michael Keaton, as Batman, hardly gets a look in.

As well as featuring not nearly enough of its hero, the film also suffers from an air of unrelenting grotesqueness (Burton going overboard on the freaky stuff), a really drab aesthetic (the winter setting leading to lots of dreary grey and blue visuals), and a boring plot in which the Penguin runs for mayor. At over two hours long, I felt my eyelids drooping a lot.

4/10, minus one point for Walken's crazy hair and the unconvincing mechanical penguins/men in penguin costumes, some of the Stan Winston Studio's worst work.

This movie is by far one of the worst super hero films ever, it's on par with Superman 4. Bruce Wayne just sits in his study waiting for the Bat Signal to call him (and what the heck is up with all those reflectors mounted on Wayne Manor? I guess the next time the house needs a roof repair the secrets out). Tim Burton has a way of making humanity look disgusting and he want way over the top in this stink fest. Here are some of the major issues. Batman punches through the floorboards of the almost indestructible Batmobile. He easily rips through his bullet proof outfit to, yet again, reveal his secret identity (and notice the lack of black eye makeup). I don't know what to say about the penguins other than WTF?!?! And a secretary who gets thrown out of a window, gets bitten by cats, and suddenly has the ability to perform acrobatics, is a great fighter, and is a master with a bull whip. This movie was supposed to come out at Christmas time, but in need of serious reediting in order to make it look like something beyond the level of a 3rd grader with a camcorder it was pushed to the following summer. They should have worked a little harder.

This movie was not a Batman movie. It was Tim Burton fixing something that was never broken. Thank God Batman Begins came out to show the world how Batman should be done. Realistically and serious.

Spoilers

My brother woke me up out of a much-deserved nap to tell me how great this movie was and that I should go see it immediately. And by that he meant at the theater. When I finally did, I waited until 2:00 in the morning to call him up and tell him at length how much it blew. Penguins for pall bearers? I have never taken my brother seriously as a movie critic since then. Any time he says, "Trust me," I bring up this movie and throw it in his face.

And do they have to kill off the villains in EVERY Batman movie? Go rent the Batman movie with Adam West where they dehydrate the United Nations guys. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060153/

It's better. Oh, can't find it? That should tell you how good Batman Returns is. Blegh!