There are two kinds of bad movies: The so-bad-it's-good, and so bad-it-hurts. But then, there is Killers; an amorphous blob that exists in a vacuum where no films has ever been made before. It's not a comedy in the sense it's assembled out of jokes and humorous conflicts -- Killers constructs its own parallel universe reality and giddily makes fun of it. And it's not an action in the sense that good guys and bad guys chase one another -- Killers' has a snake-eating-its-tail moral stance. Killers is Meta in the truest sense of the word, and it's not even aware of it.
Critically analyzing Killers is like reasoning with an alligator before it eats you alive; it's a waste of precious time better used for self reconcile. The only shinning piece of the film is Heigl's teeth. The script seems to have begun its existence as a Mr. & Mrs. Smith book report, rewritten by a conspiracy theorist, and finally polished by an ESL student. It tells the story of sweet Jen (Heigl) who while vacationing with her parents (Selleck and O'Hara) in France, meets the ripped Spencer (Kutcher), and instantly falls in love. Spencer is a professional assassin, but after a few minutes with Jen he decides to leave all that behind him.
The film is not in a hurry to tell is story, mostly due to the fact there is none. The couple gets married, move together and three years later (and half way through the film) his old boss calls him again, 'you're ain't going out that easy' he promises, and he's right on the money. All hell breaks lose, and almost everyone who gets introduced during the first half turns out to be a gunman hired to kill Spencer.
Kutcher is detail-oriented twitterer, and as an actor, his goofiness is unmatched. Up until the end, Kutcher monotone performance came across as lack of talent. But after the surreal note the film ended on, it made perfect sense. Him and Heigl have the best anti-chemistry, and casting them together was an unintentional stroke of genius; He's the Laurel to her Hardy.
Enjoying the Killers depends entirely on your expectations and gullibility. Despite the film's colossal shortcomings, it still manages to make you laugh with its idiosyncrasies. You'll laughing mostly out of confusion, but it's laughter never the less; Kutcher's latest installment in the Dude Where is My Car tradition.